I’ve spent a lot of time trying to change other people’s minds. Getting my father to agree that handgun ownership is unsafe, persuading my old friend that my denim maxi dress looked great, offering information and reasons to a neighbor who I think should appreciate our Open Street initiative instead of protesting it. Sometimes it works, but mostly, trying to change someone’s mind is an exercise in futility and frustration—for them and for me.

How others view the world is not in my control. I can do my best, but I can’t make them see things my way, even if they’re truly wrong or dangerous. And when I keep pushing others, we both suffer, and that’s when I know to back off and take a breath and come back to my own experience. I remember to cultivate equanimity—the wisdom of knowing what you can and cannot change.

The following is a traditional Buddhist practice I use in these moments and encourage you to try it the next time you catch yourself in this situation. Find a quiet spot, get still, stop talking, and shut off your devices. Take a few deep inhales and exhales. Put your hand on your heart and silently repeat to yourself, “May I accept this moment as it is. May I be at peace.” After a few minutes, think of the person whose mind you’re trying to change, and offer them this phrase silently, “May I accept you as you are. May you be at peace.” Finally, include all of us struggling humans everywhere, repeating this phrase, “May we accept each other as we are. May all beings be at peace.”