My mom, an alcoholic, had very few internal resources. Her main coping skills were drinking, denial, and defensiveness, so when faced with bad fortune or difficulty, she used to exclaim, “Why is this bad thing happening to me!?” Because of her delusion and ignorance, she was unable to develop resilience, and repeated the same bad decisions and actions many times, resulting in the same predictable unpleasant outcomes that were always surprising to her and no one else.

Unlike my mom, (and likely in reaction to her), throughout my life I’ve kept myself safe by anticipating the opposite—expecting difficulties and ill fortune. With this coping mechanism, I won’t be disappointed or ill-prepared when something bad happens. But when good fortune or success happens, it’s hard for me to accept it and take it in. Instead, I exclaim, “Why is this good thing happening to me!?”

The truth is that we’ll all have many joys and many sorrows in our life, and practicing wisdom and compassion enables us to recognize and allow both. Instead of wondering why this or why not that, we can reframe our view and say, “Yes, this. This is happening.”

If you’d like to practice allowing your life to unfold, try this meditation. Put your hand on your heart, take a few breaths, and think of someone who loves you. Silently say to them, “May you be open to the way things are right now.” After a few minutes, imagine yourself,, and silently say, “May I be be open to the way things are right now.” Finally, give this metta to all of us struggling beings everywhere, saying, “May everyone—may we--be open to the way things are right now.”