I used to think love was something someone else needed to give me. So I spent a lot time trying to figure out how to get it. Maybe if I were nicer or needier, or if I took care of someone, or if I called them all the time, or if I just threw a fit and demanded it, then they would give it to me. It took a while and a lot of disappointment before I recognized that what I really wanted—an abiding sense of okayness— I couldn’t get from someone else. As we celebrate Valentine’s Day this weekend, let’s remember that love resides in each of our hearts and we truly can develop it to let it shine on ourselves and others too.

If you’re feeling lonely or unloved, try this practice. Find a quiet place, get still, take a few deep exhales and inhales, put your hand on your heart, and say this silently, “May I be open to my joys and sorrows”, then think of a dear friend and silently say, “May I be open to your joys and sorrows”, finally try to include everyone and say, “May we be open to each others’ joys and sorrows.” Repeat as necessary.